After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a child by Author Melanie Delorme

"Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?

Even though you might be feeling that the answer to this question is no, never, absolutely not; be assured that not only is it possible for you to survive, but you are also strong enough to thrive after this devastating tragedy.

The loss of a child creates a gaping hole in a parent’s heart that seems unbearable and the only people who truly understand your pain are other bereaved parents. Melanie is one of those parents and, in After the Flowers Die, she offers encouragement, hope and honest suggestions for how you can once again experience joy.

This book is written in an easy to read A to Z format and covers topics that many parents may experience, such as anger, bitterness, birthdays, Christmas, hope, signs, and more. If you have lost a child and are feeling hurt and lost, this book is a great starting point for you to acknowledge your loss, celebrate your child’s life and find hope.

Are you ready to begin your journey towards healing?"

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Melanie Delorme was a content English teacher, wife, mother, sister and
friend when without warning she gained the title of bereaved parent when her
eight-year-old son Garrett was accidentally killed in a hunting accident. Her
road to healing brought her to write her first book. Melanie is involved with
her local chapter of Compassionate Friends and is passionate about offering
hope to other bereaved parents. She is currently living on a ranch in Southern
Saskatchewan with her husband, Gerry, and their two children.

Connect with the Author here:

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Excerpt

PRE-GRIEVING

When I look up this term on the internet, I find lots of information about grieving for the elderly as they reach the last stages of their lives. That is not what I am talking about.

It may sound strange, but there are certain times of year when I know I will be sad and less able to cope with the mundane tasks of life. Garrett's birthday, January 25, is one of those days. We host a party for our family with cake and fireworks each year. I can entertain guests and put on a brave face for the entire evening (I guess I put on the "guise of fineness

What my guests don't know is that I stayed home from work and spent the entire day wrapped in the quilt made of Garrett's clothes, thumbing through his memory books. I also went through his trunk of treasures and watched a video of his beautiful smile. I reconnected with my memories of him and spent time grieving for his absence from this year's party and the past year's events. It may seem silly, but I feel better after devoting the day to Garrett. I don't find the party difficult to manage, and when I tell people that I'm fine, I'm not lying.

I use the same strategy for other times of year. The anniversary of Garrett's death has become a family day for us. When our kids were younger, we didn't tell them that there was an occasion for our day together. I spend time alone either on this day or the day before to reflect on the events to come.

One of the greatest things about the year Garrett was born was that many of my long-time friends also had babies that year. When I consider the future, I know they will all graduate next year, and they will eventually get married. I know this pre-grieving strategy will serve me well before those events. I would never want to attend a happy occasion and bring my reservations and sorrow to it, though I know I still need to express those feelings.

Pre-grieving gives me the feeling that I am still in control of my uncontrollable situation. The grief feels purposeful and is an outlet necessary to my wellbeing since there are still many times when triggers pop up and I can't control my grief.