I've Been Looking For You
by Jennifer Dean
Genre:
YA Contemporary
YA Contemporary
MAX:
The new girl, the sarcastic asshole, the one who avoids getting attached to anyone.
The new girl, the sarcastic asshole, the one who avoids getting attached to anyone.
EMILY:
The golden girl, the rule-abiding rebel, the one who unknowingly craves something more.
The golden girl, the rule-abiding rebel, the one who unknowingly craves something more.
When fate brings the two girls together, life seemed to fall into place.
Until their future plans are shattered the moment someone leaves drugs inside Max's school locker.
Until their future plans are shattered the moment someone leaves drugs inside Max's school locker.
While Max inevitably loses hope of escaping her new grim reality, Emily struggles to move on without the one she loves most. Especially when she’s the only one determined to find answers.
But the closer Emily gets to discovering the truth, the harder it will be to stop her
pursuit, even when it leads to dangerous consequences.
But the closer Emily gets to discovering the truth, the harder it will be to stop her
pursuit, even when it leads to dangerous consequences.
JUNE 20 , 2015
Emily’s slender finger drew
invisible letters onto the table, nodding along with my voice but unaware of
her distracted mind. I sighed, my words fading with unimportance as I tilted my
head and narrowed my eyes with a new focus.
“What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean,” Emily said, slightly confused as her
eyes shifted up but her finger
continued with
the absentminded activity.
I stared back with a knowing look that caused her to shrug.
“I’m not perfect, you know. I’m allowed to have bad days. You’re in prison after all.”
“True,” I said with a nod. “But something tells
me
there’s
a
reason
for
this
one.”
“Well,” Emily said, curling her finger into
her palm as if it had been beckoned back by her hand to create a frustrated
fist. “Since you know so much, maybe you can tell what my problem is.”
Her irritated tone was guarded by
impatience, but the only thing that caught my attention was
the
sadness
lingering
within
her
eyes.
“Ems,” I said with a soft plea.
Emily dropped her shoulders in surrender as
she closed her eyes for a few brief seconds as if it were a message for the
anger to stand down. Once she had blinked them back open, it was clear the
space of her former irritation had been replaced with sadness that had now just
doubled its territory. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.” Emily shook her
head, speaking with a regretful tone. “Really. It’s nothing.”
My own irritation rose as my need to wrap
my arms around her was prevented by the restrictions of
the
environment
surrounding
us.
“I know it’s not nothing,” I said,
conveying with my stare that I would sit here, waiting for the
rest
of
the
visit,
if
I
had
to,
until
she
told
me
what
was
bothering
her.
Emily relented with a heavy sigh, causing
me to lift the left side of my mouth into a victoriously crooked
smirk.
“My roommate assignment came
in
the
mail
this
morning.”
Her voice was low and filled with
disappointment as her shoulders rose and dropped with another exaggerated sigh.
Unable to resist any longer, I quickly looked over my shoulder, happy to see
the officer in charge distracted by another inmate interaction, before I took
the opportunity and reached across the table to place my hand over Emily’s.
“You knew that was inevitable,” I said
while my thumb soothed the back of her hand with gentle strokes.
“I know,” Emily said pausing so that she
could turn her hand over and grasp my fingers longingly with her own. “It’s
just that the reality of it all is still hitting me in pieces. And seeing that
this morning just—” Emily shook her head, looking down at our linked hands as
if they
could give her the strength she
needed while she attempted to hold back the crack seeping into her
voice.
“It
just
reminded
me
of
what
we
had
lost.”
“I’m sorry,” I said feeling the uselessness of
my words as soon
as they left my lips.
I pulled my hand back, ignoring the way my
fingers twitched—screaming in protest at the parting from one they were always
meant to hold. Emily’s disappointment tightened my chest,
leaving me
desperate
to
take
away
the
remainder
of
her
pain,
if
only
for
a
few
minutes.
“What?” Emily said with a confused stare as
she took in the false amusement now lifting my cheeks.
“Looks like you’ll be using a bra on the door after all,” I said.
She leaned back in her chair, dropping her
gaze to her hands as she dropped them into her lap. “I won’t have a need for
anything on the door without you there,” Emily said with a low
enough voice
to
make
me
question
if
she
had
been
talking to them or me.
“Oh, you never know,” I said with an added wink, despite her not being able to see it.
“I’m glad you think this is funny.”
My head tilted, and my smile dropped as her
attention remained on her hands, letting her blonde locks
fall
forward
to
unintentionally
cover
her
face.
“Hey,” I said tapping my knuckles on
the table as a last resort.
Her chin lifted, leading the way for her
blue eyes to lock back with mine and effectively leave me with the same thrill
I had gotten from the first time they found me. Emily had no idea
how much I carried a longing ache for them, and I wasn’t willing to let her keep them hostage.
“There they are.”
Emily rolled her beautiful eyes but
couldn’t contain the blush within her cheeks or the toothy grin that formed
without her control. There wasn’t much I could do while trapped in hell, but at
least I could still bring out her smile. For that, I was grateful.
JANUARY 10, 2015
As I walked through the door, I began
squeezing my way between bodies with a groan, not with discomfort but the mere
regret of giving in to Emily’s infuriatingly, adorable pout. Especially when
she was most likely off in some room with her boyfriend while I was left to the
awkward possibility of small talk with people I preferred only
to
see
on
school
grounds.
But if I was irritated at all, it was with
myself for having ignored bringing a plus one, someone who could be helping me
avoid talking altogether. Emily had even suggested it, despite the small
hesitance that followed afterword. But then again why would her hesitance
matter anyway? She certainly had no right to judge my love life when she had
the worst judgment in boyfriends.
I shrugged—as if I had won my own
argument—before I pulled my phone out of my pocket and maneuvered my way across
the room, pushing open a door that escaped into an abandoned kitchen.
Max: Up for a party tonight?
I took advantage of the empty kitchen, heading
straight for the liquor bottles that were stacked together on the island. My
phone vibrated in my hand as I reached out for one of the bottles
of
vodka,
ignoring
any
interest
in
the
chosen
soda
mixers.
Caitlyn: That depends...will you be there?
I could feel the victorious grin rise
simultaneously with the liquor that I had filled half way up
the
plastic
red
solo
cup.
Max: Already waiting for you to join me.
Caitlyn: What’s the address?
I turned with my back against the island,
bringing the rim of my drink up to my lips as I began to type out the address.
But I was instantly distracted by the noise of someone bursting through the
swing door with a force that was clear they had forgotten how little resistance
was needed for it to open.
But where the annoyance should have been I
found only amusement as Emily stumbled into the kitchen, confused by the
direction as if her feet were being controlled by someone else. She had changed
since dropping me off into a pair of tight dark colored jeans and a cream
colored sweater that exposed her left shoulder. Unlike the tight bun she had
worn at school Emily’s blonde locks were down, resting along the front of her
sweater in loose curls. My eyes bounced up and down with equal attention to her
pink glossed lips and ocean blue eyes that had yet to realize
my
presence
within the room.
I lowered my cup back down to my waist,
putting my phone back into my pocket as I instantly forgot about the date I had
been luring in seconds before. But I didn’t quite have time to register
any
guilt
as
Emily
finally
looked
over
with
a
beaming
smile
of
excitement. “Max, you came!”
I put my drink down behind me as I watched
her saunter forward with slightly wobbly legs. It was only a few feet from me
when she tripped over her boots, forcing me to instinctively launch
myself
off
the
island
in time
to catch her.
“I did. But I see you started without me.”
She didn’t answer, but her toothy grin of
giddiness was enough for me to understand her state of
mind.
“Where’s the boyfriend?”
“You know what…?” Emily leaned in close enough
to let me unintentionally inhale her vanilla and jasmine scent, forcing me to resist a moan.
“What?”
“I don’t know,” Emily said.
“How much have you had to drink?”
“Umm…” Emily rapidly moved her eyes around as she began to
mentally count before
bursting into
a
fit
of
giggles.
“I
don’t
know.”
“Well, aren’t you helpful.”
“At least this time he can’t leave me because I drove
myself,” Emily said whispering out the
last word
like a secret while nodding in
her own approval. I narrowed
my
eyes
in
concern.
“You drove here?”
“Yes. I. Did.”
She tapped my nose with each drawn out word.
“Okay, well you’re not driving home. Give me your keys?”
“I don’t have them.”
“Where are they?”
“In my purse.”
“And that would be?”
“Under my coat.”
“For god’s sake, are you making this into a game?”
“No. Yes.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance despite feeling
only amused at the way her brow
scrunched in
a
cute
way.
“Do
you
want
it
to
be?” “Only if it’s a short game,” I said.
Emily smiled and moved so swiftly I hitched my breath as
her mouth moved to my ear in
order to whisper. “It’s by the front door.”
This girl is going to be the death of me, I
thought, as I felt her move back slightly so that our faces
were
only
inches
apart.
“You have gorgeous eyes.
Did you
know that?”
“Yours aren’t so bad either,” I said through a
chuckle.
“And your lips,” She raised her finger to
gently drag down my bottom lip. “They’re so pretty. I wonder what they feel
like. Are they soft…?” Her voice had transferred into a dreamlike trance as her
face slowly began to lean in to close the gap between us. My body stood frozen
only
to
squint
in
confusion
as
she
abandoned
her
agenda
and
stepped
back
with
widened
eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m—” She turned and ran down the hall
before she could answer. I followed on her heel as she opened a door, watching
as she fell to the ground and lunged for the toilet before releasing everything
that
had
previously
been
in
her
stomach.
I bent down into a squat as I grabbed her
hair and pulled it up and away from her neck. I rubbed her
back
in
gentle
circles
until
finally,
the
purging
stopped.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Emily said between two exhausted breaths.
“Do you need to throw up again?”
“No, I’m done.”
“Okay,” I said absentmindedly soothing
the
back
of
her head as I stood.
“I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be here,” Emily mumbled with her cheek lying flat against the porcelain seat.
I ignored my need to place my hand against
her cheek by swiftly leaving the bathroom and heading off down the hallway. But
I released the same groan I had made while entering the
house once I saw that everyone had
decided on doing the same as Emily by leaving their purses and
coats
in
a
large
pile
on
the
left
side of the door.
“Fuck this,” I said before pulling my phone from my pocket and dialing Emily’s number.
I bent down and began shoving the pile left
and right as the sound of Emily’s distinctive ringtone grew louder. After
lifting a denim jean jacket out of the way, I reached for the small, black
purse
I
recognized, feeling it vibrating as I stood.
I left the coats for now as I headed back
down the hall, searching inside the purse until I found a set of car keys. I
had just slipped them into my pocket when I came back to the bathroom. Emily
was draped over the toilet, her eyes closed with an odd peaceful glow. I bent
down, unable to ignore the instinct as I placed my palm on the exposed side of
her face, tensing slightly as she moaned into my touch.
“You didn’t bring a coat with you, did you?”
“No,” Emily said with her eyes still closed.
“You ready to go?” I said moving a piece of hair from her forehead.
“Yeah,” she said groggily.
“Can you stand?”
She lifted her head as she finally opened her eyes before nodding.
“Come on, then,” I said.
She moved her left around my neck while I
wrapped mine around her lower back until she was vertical again. As I helped
her walk through the house, I noticed a few stares but no one offered
to
help.
Not
if
it
meant
putting
down
their
drinks.
“Thank you, Max.”
It was barely audible, but I could still
hear her small voice once I had started the engine. I looked over with a grin,
watching her eyes close and her head slump back against the seat before I could
say anything back. I sighed, looking out the windshield as I contemplated what
I should do. Taking her back to her house didn’t seem like a good fit in her
condition. I could only imagine what her uptight, WASP parents would think
about me dropping off their drunken daughter. I shrugged, putting
the
car
in
drive
as
I
was
left
with
only
one
option.
Once I pulled into my apartment complex I
left Emily inside the car while I went to unlock the door and check inside. As
with most Friday nights, there was no sign of my father, so I turned on the
lights before heading back to Emily’s car. I opened the passenger door and
unbuckled her seatbelt as I squatted down to be able to look up at her slumbering face.
“Ems? We’re here,” I said lightly shaking her arm.
Her groan made it hard to resist a chuckle.
“Come on. The sooner you move, the sooner you can go
back to bed,” I pleaded. “Will you carry me?”
“Seriously?”
“Please?”
I sighed while unable to resist the
childish pout she had pulled off while her eyes remained closed.
“You’re lucky I live on the first floor,” I
said, sliding my arms under her thighs and around her back
in
order
to
lift
her
from
the
seat.
As I walked across the parking lot, my
stomach clenched as Emily pressed her face into the warmth of my neck. My lips
began to twitch as I led her body through the open frame before lifting my foot
skillfully to shut my front door. I moved with a quicker pace as I headed down
the hallway and into my room before gently laying her on the bed. I could
already feel the sting from
her weight that would leave my muscles
sore tomorrow,
but I didn’t mind.
I leaned on my bed with both arms as I lowered my face so
that I could whisper once I saw
her stir. “Do you want something else
to
sleep
in?”
She nodded without a sound. I walked over
to my dresser and pulled out a black t-shirt and a pair of
gray
sweatpants.
“You’ll have to sit up so I can help you put these on,” I said.
She groaned unhappily before she sluggishly
rose like an awakening zombie. I bent down slightly, pulling the hem of her
sweater up until she was only left in her black, lace bra. I quickly slipped my
black Beatles t-shirt over her head before I had any time to stare at her
beautifully exposed body.
Once she felt the material covering her she
flopped back on the mattress but moved her hands down to unzip her jeans. If I
had thought dressing her upper half had been difficult, it was nothing to the
tension I felt once she hooked her thumbs into the sides of the denim. My mouth
felt dry as she lifted her hips from the bed in a difficult struggle, forcing
me to take pity and grab the ends of her jeans to help pull. My nostrils flared
involuntarily as I found myself unprepared at the exposure of her long, toned
legs and matching, black lace underwear. I did my best to move swiftly as I
grabbed the sweatpants, but my teeth still clenched as I leaned onto my knees
for momentum, leaving my face within inches of her shirt as I pulled them up
with one quick thrusted pull.
I didn’t hesitate to push myself off the
bed but watched as Emily rolled onto her side and curled her hands into her
chest. I took a grateful moment to escape and walk down the hall, telling
myself it was to grab the small trash can from the bathroom but I knew it was
also to give myself a minute to shake away the desire that had built up from
our closeness. After a few
minutes, I
walked
back
into
the
room
with
my
composure,
sitting
the
trashcan next to
the bed.
“All set. I left a trashcan on the left
side of the bed. I’ll be on the couch if you need anything else.”
“Max?” Emily said softly, her eyes still closed.
“Yeah?”
“Where are you going?”
“To sleep on the couch.”
“Why? There’s lots of room for both of us,”
Emily said as she lazily patted the small space behind her.
“I don’t mind the couch. It’s pretty comfy,” I said with a
small grin before turning back
around and
heading
for
the
light
switch.
“I’ll
be
right
outside
the
door
if
you
need
me.”
“Please don’t leave me.”
My body stiffened at the sound of Emily’s
small plea. I turned, looking over my shoulder to see her
eyes
open,
waiting
with
a
lingering
sadness
that
caught
me
off
guard.
“Okay. Just give me a second.”
“Okay,” Emily said with a small nod before
she laid her head back down on the pillow. I sighed heavily as I headed back
out of my room to lock the front door. When I reentered the bedroom I saw Emily
had gotten under the covers and scooted over to the left side of the bed in
order to make room for me. I quickly dressed into my own comfortable clothes
before hitting the lights and making my way carefully to
my side of
the bed.
I had barely laid my body down when I felt
Emily move back until she was snuggled against my front. Instinctively I moved
my arm to wrap around her waist protectively, feeling my jaw tense
as
I
waited
for
her
rejection,
only
to
feel
her left hand cling to my wrist.
“Goodnight, Max.”
I pulled my arm tighter as a smile formed into the back of her strawberry scented
hair.
“Goodnight, Ems.”
I was never that child you found in the corner reading.
In fact, I loathed the idea of picking up a book.
The activity seemed more of a chore than a past time.
In fact, I loathed the idea of picking up a book.
The activity seemed more of a chore than a past time.
All that changed when my brother began talking to me about the
newest novel he was reading.Harry Potter and The Order of the
Phoenix. Before I knew it, my curiosity got the better of
me, luring me to try the series. It didn't take long for my mindset
of reading to turn on its head.
newest novel he was reading.Harry Potter and The Order of the
Phoenix. Before I knew it, my curiosity got the better of
me, luring me to try the series. It didn't take long for my mindset
of reading to turn on its head.
But even with my new hobby discovered it wasn't until my junior
year of college that I developed a hidden desire for writing stories.
And when I found myself writing scenes instead of paying attention to
my professors, I knew becoming a writer was the career path I was
meant to follow.
year of college that I developed a hidden desire for writing stories.
And when I found myself writing scenes instead of paying attention to
my professors, I knew becoming a writer was the career path I was
meant to follow.
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