A Spell in the Country by Heide Goody and Iain Grant - Book Tour + Giveaway
A Spell in the Country
“Dee is a Good Witch but she wonders if she could be a better witch.
She wonders if there’s more to life than Disney movie marathons, eating a whole box of chocolates for dinner and brewing up potions in her bathtub. So when she’s offered a chance to go on a personal development course in the English countryside, she packs her bags, says goodbye to the Shelter for Unloved Animals charity shop and sets a course for self-improvement.
Caroline isn’t just a Good Witch, she’s a fricking awesome witch.
She likes to find the easy path through life: what her good looks can’t get for her, a few magic charms can. But she’s bored of being a waitress and needs something different in her life. So when a one night stand offers her a place on an all-expenses-paid residential course in a big old country house, she figures she’s got nothing to lose.
Jenny is a Wicked Witch. She just wishes she wasn’t.
On her fifteenth birthday, she got her first wart, her own imp and a Celine Dion CD. She still has the imp. She also has a barely controllable urge to eat human children which is socially awkward to say the least and not made any easier when a teenager on the run turns to her for help. With gangsters and bent cops on their trail, Jenny needs to find a place outside the city where they can lay low for a while.
For very different reasons, three very different witches end up on the same training course and land in a whole lot of trouble when they discover that there’s a reason why their free country break sounds too good to be true. Foul-mouthed imps, wererats, naked gardeners, tree monsters, ghosts and stampeding donkeys abound in a tale about discovering your inner witch.”
Purchase Links
US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078NRFL93/
EXCERPT
In
this extract, we join the witches Jenny, Caroline, Shazam and Norma as they go
to visit a fairground psychic.
“It’s
here!” squealed Shazam, literally jumping up and down in excitement, her bags
of purchases swinging wildly about her.
Between
the entrance to the ghost train and the hook-a-duck stall was a section of
black plywood boarding, a simple door and, above it, Zoffner the Astute –
Knock and Enter the Future.
“Twaddle,”
said Norma and opened the door.
“It
says knock,” said Shazam.
“If
he’s a decent fortune-teller he already knows we’re here,” said Jenny.
“Enter,
ladies,” called a mellifluous voice from the darkness.
“He
knew we were ladies,” Shazam whispered in excitement.
“Because
he can hear us,” said Norma.
“Mr
Astute,” Shazam called in. “Do you want us all at once or one at a time?”
“Whatever.
It’s groovy. The future has room for all,” called Zoffner the Astute. “Although
I do only have four chairs.”
Caroline
led the way into the darkness of Zoffner’s ‘cave’: a deep and winding plywood
recess built into the space between the surrounding rides and stalls. She
followed a trail of fairy lights along the ceiling to a vaguely octagonal
chamber. Seated before them was a white-bearded man. His was not the wispy
white beard of some Gandalfesque mystic, nor was it a fulsome Santa beard. His
was the beard of a man who had lost his razor some weeks ago and hadn’t got round
to buying a new one.
“Anywhere?”
said Caroline, gesturing to the seats.
Zoffner
adjusted his turquoise spectacles. “Anywhere you like, wild child. But choose
carefully.”
“Oh?”
“For
the right chair will allow great and mystical insights.”
“And
the wrong chair?”
“Is
a bit wonky, child.”
Norma,
Shazam and Jenny squeezed in behind her. The four of them filled the small
space. The toy monkey Jenny had won on the stall was squashed between her and
Shazam. Beetlebane clawed at its felt head irritably. The black moggy looked
like it had not yet recovered from its sauna torment the day before.
“Right,
Mr Zoffner,” said Norma, “we’re here because my —”
Zoffner
held up his hand. “No words, foxy lady.”
Caroline
smirked and Norma bristled.
Zoffner
picked up the deck of cards.
“Let
the cards speak.”
He
turned the first one over and looked at Caroline. “The Seven of Cups, wild
child. Debauchery and betrayal. Corruption of purpose.”
Jenny
snickered, apologising immediately.
“Now,
this does not have to apply directly to you. You once had a calling to serve a
higher power but have turned away from it. And I dig that. Fight the man. But
others have turned away from it too and they are not your friends.”
“I
see,” said Caroline thoughtfully.
“Clear
as mud,” sniffed Norma.
Zoffner
turned over a card for her. Poorly drawn men and women stepped from crypts in
the ground as an angel sounded its trumpet overhead. “Judgement. Very groovy.
But do you stand in judgement over others or do others stand in judgement over
you? I sense you are a forceful and sensuous woman—”
Norma
leaned forward and slapped him on the check. “Vulgar!”
“—And
spontaneous,” he added, entirely unfazed. “I’m sure that has got you into
trouble more than once.” He tapped the card. “But there is resurrection, a chance
for rebirth and renewal, my foxy one.”
He
looked at Jenny. To Caroline’s eyes, Jenny seemed nervous.
“Secrets
to hide, Jenny?” she said.
Zoffner
turned over her card. A tower split by a violent lightning bolt with a person
falling from it. “Oh, you are a fiery one,” he said. “That’s all fab and
groovy. It can mean a violent change in you, or in your life. It can also mean
a more physical kind of destruction. I’d keep my eye on where the fire exits
are if I were you.”
“Now,
it’s me!” said Shazam. “What can you tell me?”
He
smiled at her and maybe, for a moment, there was a bit of a Santa Clause
twinkle about him. “Oh, I can tell you’re a person with a deep interest in the
occult.”
“I
am! I am!”
“And
you just want to immerse yourself in all things magical.”
“I
do! I do!”
Jenny
gave Shazam’s many and visible One Stop Sorcery carrier bags a meaningful tap
with her toe.
“Okay,
fiery one,” conceded Zoffner the Astute. “Let’s see…” He turned over Shazam’s
card. It was the Fool, chased off a cliff by a dog.
“The
Fool,” said Jenny neutrally.
“There’s
a cute doggy,” said Shazam.
“Danger
surrounds you but you do not know it,” said Zoffner.
“Ooh.
I got a shiver up my spine. Did anyone else?”
“You
have recently had a very narrow escape from a fate worse than death.”
“Have
I?”
“But
you were entirely oblivious to it.”
“Poppycock,”
said Norma.
“The
cards speak true, foxy lady.”
“I
don’t think we should trust a grown man who spends his days in a cardboard
cave.”
“You
think truth needs to be dressed up in finery and luxury?”
“The
man’s a fraud,” Norma insisted.
Zoffner
the astute flipped the final card to an image of a venerable cloaked figure.
“I’m a magician.”
“A
mountebank!”
“I’m
more of a beachcomber on the shores of reality.” He picked up Shazam’s fool
card. “I will tell you this truth: you are about to have a terrible shock that
will cause you great upset.”
“Am
I?” said Shazam.
“And
the only guidance I can give is to look within.”
“Within
what?”
“Exactly.”
“He’s
definitely got that mystical hippy thing going on,” Caroline said approvingly.
“Tie-dye
t-shirts and John Lennon glasses do not a mystic make,” snorted Norma.
“Where’s
your cat, Shazam?” asked Jenny.
Shazam’s
hand flew to her neck. “Mr Beetlebane!”
“We’ll
find him, Cobwebs,” Caroline assured her.
“But
what if he’s run off? What if he’s got on the rollercoaster?”
“Cats
are not well known for enjoying white-knuckle rides,” said Jenny.
“Or
if he got in the gears of some ride! Or… or…”
Caroline
guided the trembling, purple-clad witch out towards the daylight.
Author Bio –
Heide Goody is the stupid one in the writing partnership and Iain Grant is the sensible one. Together, they are the authors of seven novels, two short story collections and a novella.
The ‘Clovenhoof’ series (in which Satan loses his job and has to move to Birmingham) has recently been optioned by a Hollywood production company. Their latest novel, Oddjobs 2: this time it’s personnel, was published in August 2017.
Heide and Iain are both married, but not to each other.
Website: http://www.pigeonparkpress.com/
Twitter: @HeideGoody and @IainMGrant
Giveaway – Win a Witch's Pamper Package (Open Internationally)
The package, worth over £100 contains…
· A lacy gothic bracelet
· A witch's hat fascinator
· A pair of green and black stripy tights
· A Yankee candle in "Forbidden Apple"
· A set of wand-shaped makeup brushes
· A gothic notebook (for spells!)
· A bookmark featuring a squashed witch (with just the legs sticking out!)
· A gemstone ring
· A gorgeous coffin-shaped vegan eyeshadow palette from Lunatick Cosmetic labs (with a bat-shaped mirror!)
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