Signs
in the Rearview Mirror: Leaving A Toxic Relationship Behind
What kind of
person ends up in a toxic relationship? And why does she stay? This searingly
honest novel answers both those questions head-on. Coming out of a failing
marriage, Kelly turns to Gabe out of fear of being alone. Her gradual slide
into danger is at once terrifying and inevitable, and the steps she takes to
get out of it will both inspire and offer hope.
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Excerpt
What is recovery after a toxic
relationship? How can you recover from a relationship? How do you know if
recovery is something you need?
Well if you were in a relationship with
anyone who was toxic and your life has dramatically changed since entering a
relationship like this, you probably need to recover from it. People can
recover in different ways. You can seek a therapist. Take time away from
dating. Enter into a recovery program. For me, I chose to seek a therapist and
enter into a recovery program after my toxic relationship began to end.
I had no idea I myself had been toxic in
my marriage and I didn't realize my own mother was toxic until I started to
peel back the layers of my toxic abusive relationship. In my weekly recovery
meeting, I was able to see myself from someone else's point of view. Each week
I sat with a group of women who were recovering from all sorts of things. I originally
thought I was recovering from anger, but as the weeks turned into months and
eventually years, I realized I was controlling, narcissistic, a people pleaser
and of course I had anger issues. But where did all of this come from? As I
began to write my weekly series turned book, Signs in the rearview Mirror
Leaving a Toxic Relationship Behind, I discovered I learned a lot of my
behaviors from my mother. My mother is extremely toxic and when my therapist
pointed this out, I was in denial until I began unraveling my upbringing and
things started to make sense. I had to take accountability for my actions. I
had to admit I abused my husband and when I unknowingly got into a toxic
relationship after my marriage ended, I stayed in that relationship long after
the expiration date, because I thought I deserved the abuse.
When I finally was able to get out of
that relationship, I knew I needed help. I knew I could not figure out what was
going on with me alone. That's when I found my recovery program and began attending
meetings on a weekly basis. I met with my therapist. I found a sponsor. I
cried. I screamed. I faced who I actually was underneath all the hurt and
control I had exposed on the outside. I tried to date, but quickly discovered I
could not give of myself until I loved myself. That was a long road. I had to
let go of my abusive ex and I had to build trust with my ex husband. I did
both.
Today I am free. I am always a work in
progress, but I had to let go of toxic people, and I have a happy healthy working
co parenting relationship with my ex husband. I am now dipping my toes in the
water of dating. It can be fun, but right now it's a bit scary. I have become
so comfortable in my independent life, that I am afraid of losing who I am. But
with the help and guidance of my sponsor, my therapist and my friends I am
getting there. I am not rushing. So if any of this sounds familiar to you or
someone you love, they may need to think about getting out of a toxic
relationship and get some help recovering from what they have been through!
Always Be Brave!
Author
Bio – Boston born and raised, Kelly now makes her
home in Austin with her three sons and one amazing Giant Schnauzer Bullseye.
Kelly has written for Huffington Post, blogs at Thoughts Becoming Words, and
hosts a podcast, Lets Get Wicked Deep.
Social
Media Links – https://www.facebook.com/kellye95/
https://twitter.com/kellys_author
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