50 Shades of Worf by Christopher D. Schmitz - Book Tour + Giveaway
50 Shades of Worf
by Christopher D. Schmitz
Genre: Humor, Satire
Publisher: TreeShaker Books
Publication Date: November 15, 2019
A back-alley brawl between the furries and the bronies.
Deadpool cosplayer keeps stealing all the erotic pegasus artwork.
Someone used a necronomicon to open a tentacle portal in the men’s room.
Two cops must go undercover at a local comicbook convention to stop Wil Wheaton’s murder.
Is this a buddy cop story or a crime-comedy? Neither. This is comic con... er, comicomedy?
**Only .99 cents until Dec 6th!!**
“I know where he
went!” Jessica exclaimed. “There’s another lobby on the other side of the
convention center—it’s the sixth street entrance.”
Diego nodded and sprinted forward to try and close the distance.
Winded by the jog, Jessica tried to catch up.
The hallway suddenly erupted in pandemonium. Costumed denizens
of the halls jumped out to bar his passage. Their brightly colored fabrics and
masks whirled like a kaleidescope.
Jumping atop a chair a scrawny man dressed as a Pink Panther,
except that he wore a leather thong, screamed, “Another intruder! The Bronies
continue to violate the sacred truce and cross through the neutral zone!”
Diego barely slowed as he looked back at Jessica, she pushed and
shoved at the costumers who clawed at her. “Furries! Run!”
The detective plowed through as the furries raised fists high,
brandishing makeshift weapons and costume props like some kind of My Little
Pony Mad Max hybrid.
Pink Panther yelled, “We must defend our honor and our borders!”
His minions screamed their support. “Justice for Jonah!”
Jonah, a turquoise leopard, leaned against a cement block wall
with his mask off. He nursed a bloody nose—probably from Houdek—and mumbled, “I’m
okay, you guys. Really.”
The cry for blood only intensified as Jessica caught up to
Diego. Together, they burst through the line and fled with thirty angry furries
chasing them like a faux-fur flood.
Directly ahead, a bare-chested, overweight man in a mullet and
neon spandex crawled atop a stack of tables and howled. “The furries want to go
to war with the Bronies? So be it; Bronies Assemble!”
The other side of the hallway suddenly filled with humanoid men
and a few women wearing fake ears and brightly colored hair, tails, and wigs.
Someone screamed from their rear, “Super magic friendship beat-down!”
Diego grabbed Jessica’s hand and led her through the oncoming
horde. He lowered his shoulder and pushed through with relative ease. Bronies
bounced off his tough exterior with whimpers and squeaks.
“Oh no!” Jessica
said beneath her breath. “It’s a full-blown turf war beneath the Furries and
the Bronies… the prophecy is finally coming true.”
Just as they emerged from the crowd of colorful, fluffy anarchy,
the two forces collided. They wheezed and shrieked as they smashed against each
other. “You were supposed to be one of us!” a furry screamed. “For Equestria!”
several Bronies shouted as they curb-stomped a fox-girl. “We’re twenty percent
cooler than you!”
Diego and Jessica finally crashed through the fire door and into
the sixth street lobby. Immediately they spotted a long-haired man stepping
into a group of non-Japanese Japanese schoolgirls. With his broad shoulders and
dark suit he stuck out like a sore thumb, no matter how he tried to hide.
“There!” Jessica
pointed.
Diego sprinted ahead and speared him from the back, tackling him
like an eager linebacker. The man screamed with a feminine shriek as the
detective took him down.
Pinning
him to the ground, a brown wig fell from the costumed genderbender. She howled
for help and the cosplaying schoolgirls rained down fists and feet upon
detective Diego. They screamed their mantra. “Cosplay is not consent! Cosplay
is not consent!”
Christopher D. Schmitz is an author of fiction and nonfiction books. Before throwing himself into book writing he had published short fiction in more than twenty outlets. In addition to a day-job working with teenagers, he also writes for a local newspaper, speaks/sells books at comic-cons and other festivals, runs a blog for authors, and makes an insanely tiny amount of money playing the bagpipes.
He grew up as a product of the 1980s and thinks Stranger Things is "basically my biography." He lives in rural Minnesota where he drinks unsafe amounts of coffee with his family and three rambunctious dogs. The caffeine shakes keeps the cold from killing him.
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