Dear Brave Friend is a sweet, emotional children's book that touches on the subject of grieving a pet who has passed. It's written as a letter from a dog who has passed to his little boy. The letter offers words of reassurance and ways for the little boy to deal with his grief. Whether he's sad or feeling alone, or maybe even angry about how unfair it is to lose a beloved pet, the letter he receives offers advice for channeling those feelings in a proper way.
As a kid, I never experienced the death of a pet, but I did have to give away a cat we had once, and that just about broke my heart. I remember having Polaroid pictures of my cat, and writing things like, "I miss you" and "I love you forever" on them as a way to remember.
As an adult, I had to put down one of my cats a few years ago, and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. His name was Goober, and he was my sweet ginger baby.
Dear Brave Friend is definitely a helpful book to have on hand. While written more for older children (8+), I think even mature younger readers (even 6+, I'd say) might be able to understand and benefit from this book. I would recommend it to anyone who has ever lost a pet, or owns a pet and may someday have to say goodbye.
5 stars.
Children and Adults Grieve Differently
Children also tend to grieve in “bursts” because they cannot
seem to tolerate grief for long periods of time. Here is a helpful explanation I once read:
“As adults we have one foot in grief and one foot on the outside, but kids jump
in and out of grief.” Depending on your child’s age and level of understanding,
grief can be expressed in different ways.
One child may act out and another may become withdrawn and silent. One minute your child may be happily coloring
and the next minute he’s acting out and throwing his crayons.
If your child or teen does not verbalize their feelings,
it’s so important to remember that this does not mean they aren’t missing their
beloved pet. Never force a conversation,
but you can encourage and provide opportunities for meaningful conversations
and answer their questions, even the difficult ones.
As adults, we might think it would be better to stop talking
about the newly departed pet in front of our kids in an attempt to protect
them. We think we need to hide the toys and food bowls and act like the life we
shared with our treasured pet never occurred.
Please don’t pretend the death didn’t happen. Send a clear message to your children that
talking about feelings is encouraged.
Say your pet’s name out loud and share lots of stories. If it brings your family comfort to leave
your pet’s things out, then by all means leave them out. There are no tried-and-true rules on
grief. Everyone grieves differently; do
what works for you and your family.
The loss of a pet is often the first significant loss a
child experiences. Take this opportunity
to teach your child healthy grieving.
Grieving is both taught and learned.
As parents, it is our job to teach our children how to grieve; you are
their role model. We can’t protect our
children from death or loss. Somewhere
along their life, they will experience it.
If they are not taught how to grieve as a child in the comfort of their
parent’s embrace, they may experience it alone when they become adults.
Be truthful with your children. Of course, as parents, you know your child
better than anyone, so please be mindful of that and choose your words based on
age appropriateness. Wording is
especially important when talking about pet loss with children. For example, if
you tell your child that “Lucy” is going “to be put to sleep” then your child
is going to associate going to sleep with dying. Sometimes, again in an attempt to protect,
parents may tell their child that their pet ran away instead of dying. Now their child is worried about their pet;
are they cold, hungry, does a bad man have him, etc. A child’s imagination of
what happened is often much bigger and scarier than the truth.
If you must have your pet euthanized, it is best to give
your child a choice if they want to be present or not (again, you know your
child best). Being present allows your
child to see a peaceful ending to their pet’s life vs. what they might imagine. This is also an opportunity for them to see
what their family does when faced with such sadness. Don’t hold back the tears. Cry in front of your children if you need to
– this teaches them that mommies and daddies get sad too, and it is okay to
cry.
Throughout their lives, our beautiful pets are always
teaching us about important things like love, laughter, forgiveness, and
trust. How ironic it is that their last
departing gift, the hardest gift to receive, was the opportunity to teach our
children how to grieve.
2 Comments
Thank you so much Jasmine for your thoughtful review of Dear Brave and for sharing my guest post. I am so glad you shared your story and received a sign from your beautiful boy, Goober.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome! :)
DeletePlease try not to spam posts with the same comments over and over again. Authors like seeing thoughtful comments about their books, not the same old, "I like the cover" or "sounds good" comments. While that is nice, putting some real thought and effort in is appreciated. Thank you.