“The
road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
—Stephen
King
What’s a sandwich without a little sauce? And,
by sauce, of course, I mean mustard. Without mustard, a sandwich is dry, boring
and lifeless. Please, I don’t want any emails from the pro-mayo lobby on this
one. For me, it’s mustard or bust.
Adverbs are like sentence mustard. They add
flavor and intensity to otherwise plain word sandwiches. An adverb is a word
that modifies a verb, adjective, another adverb, or an entire sentence or
clause. Most of us think of adverbs being words that always end in -ly. The fact
is, many adverbs do end in -ly.
Sam walked slowly to
school.
Hampton chortled
heartily at Peggy’s pun.
I frequently check my
email.
On the other hand, there’s a long list of
adverbs that do not end in -ly. Keep
these words in mind the next time you play Mad Libs on a road trip: they
include afterward, never, next, often, and almost. These adverbs are like the
honey mustard of sandwich condiments; you might not even think you’re eating
mustard because they’re so sweet and discreet.
Adverbs never modify nouns—that’s a job
strictly reserved for adjectives. Adjectives are like sentence cheese to the
noun’s meat; they make sure the adverb doesn’t touch the noun. You do put the
mustard on top of the cheese and not directly on the meat, right? We’re not barbarians,
after all.
The further I go into this metaphor, the
hungrier I get. In this case, I suppose verbs are veggie toppings like lettuce,
tomato, and probably pickles (although I’m personally not a pickle person).
Adverbs give additional information about
when, where or how something happens. How did Kenny run? Kenny ran quickly.
When did Byron start doubting the moon landing? Byron started doubting the moon
landing yesterday. How frequently do you read the newspaper? I read the
newspaper often.
Once you start noticing adverbs, you’ll see
them everywhere. It’s similar to buying a car—prior to buying the car, you
don’t notice many of the same models on the road, but after you buy it, you see
your same car everywhere. Just be careful not to spill any mustard on your new
interior.
—Curtis Honeycutt is a syndicated humor
columnist. He is the author of Good
Grammar is the Life of the Party: Tips for a Wildly Successful Life. Find
more at curtishoneycutt.com.
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