Relationships/Self Help

Date Published: February 14, 2020

Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing; ebook distributed by Simon & Schuster

Married for 33 years, David, a divorce lawyer, and Julie, a family therapist, have both been witness to families struggling with life’s most difficult challenges. At the same time, they have weathered their own challenges at home: raising four daughters, two biological and two adopted, and dealing with one child’s mental health and behavioral issues. What they’ve learned about saving a marriage or knowing when to call it quits, when to turn to professionals or when to try tough love, could fill a book—and it does.

My Review
The Five Core Conversations for Couples is a self-help book written by a family therapist and a divorce lawyer. It's one of those books that one might think would be a bit clinical or maybe even preachy, telling readers how a relationship should be. Instead, it's a very real, very personal, and very open self-help book that use the authors' own marriage and experiences with other people's relationships to convey personal stories relevant to each of the "core" areas. I found that to be refreshing and engaging. The authors didn't just throw some random advice on the page and say, "hey, follow this for a better relationship." They actually took the time to craft a self-help book that will have readers relating to them, and have readers reflecting on their own relationships with the questions that appear at the end of each section. 
I've been married, divorced, and married again. While reading this, I used the stories and questions to think about both of my relationships and how different each one was. My first marriage was not a good one. There was no communication, and what little may have come up was always negative, argumentative, and abusive. There was no financial plan. My ex preferred to spend money on things he didn't need while avoiding bills, and any money I made went towards his needs rather than what was important. There was no cooperative parenting strategies. I was the sole parent while my ex preferred to go out with his buddies until all hours of the night or play video games until 3 or 4 in the morning. There was no work-life balance, and the "mutually satisfying sex"... it didn't exist. Everything was about his needs. His wants. His desires. And yet I stayed and endured for almost 9 years. If I had had this book back then, I doubt things would have been different, but maybe it would have made me realize what I was missing out on so I could have moved on a lot sooner.
My second marriage, however, is the complete opposite. It's nice. It's freeing. It's much better overall. But even still, I was able to use the advice, the personal stories, and the questions within these pages to think about how things can be even better, and reflect on the ways that my husband and I can implement some small changes to bring about an even happier, healthier marriage. 
I really enjoyed this book, even though I went in not expecting too much. I was pleasantly surprised, especially since non-fiction/self-help books aren't necessarily my thing.
4 stars from me.

About the Authors

DAVID AND JULIE have been married for 33 years. They have four daughters, two of whom are biological and two adopted, and three grandchildren. They divide their time between suburban Washington, D.C. and Bethany Beach, Delaware. Learn more about David and Julie at www.thebulitts.com.

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