Monday, March 29, 2021

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Pluto's in Uranus by Patrick Haylock - Book Blitz + Giveaway


Pluto’s in Uranus!

This Christmas Jupiter and Saturn will become closer to each other than they have been for almost 800 years. It is an event that has set the world astrological community abuzz with the possible consequences of such an alignment and its potential impact on global leaders and world events.

 But what happens when an even rarer conjunction between Pluto and Uranus occurs and what affect does it hold in store for the lives of everyday ‘ordinary folk’?

 Well, it’s something that Dave from the post room is about to find out. Pluto is in Uranus and for him this indicates that everything is about to come up smelling of roses or so he thinks!

 Dave suffers from OCF, Obsessive Compulsive Fatalism, and his Achilles heel is his daily horoscope, which is about to become dramatically affected by the historic planetary alignment.

 The lucky omens predicted will compel him to take uncharacteristic chances, cross paths with a hotchpotch of larger than life characters who get him embroiled in situations with hilarious outcomes that are way beyond his control and  out of his comfort zone

Pluto’s In Uranus is written by globally unrecognised no award-winning Essex author Patrick Haylock.

Discounting his definitive guide to publishing invisible books Pluto’s in Uranus is Patrick’s debut novel, and it is now available in Bookstores on Amazon and other online outlets.

Purchase Links

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Plutos-Uranus-Patrick-Haylock-ebook/dp/B08PDNLY3W

https://www.amazon.com/Plutos-Uranus-Patrick-Haylock-ebook/dp/B08PDNLY3W

Trailer - www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPuhVnCq7e8&feature=youtu.be

Excerpt
Dave’s efforts to recoup his unwon winnings after placing an ill-fated wager on a horse called Black Kitty, were beginning to get him involved with characters and into situations way beyond his comfort zone.

His astrological malfunction had caused him to cross paths with a theatrical crossdressing bod named JoeJo and a vicar known as Lord Elpus and he had ended up going to jail with the pair of them. Although it sounded like a joke Dave didn’t find it at all amusing.

The saving grace was that his time inside was not down to any misdemeanour, but it had been arranged so as he could meet with Lord E’s Mellon’s and get some ideas that might help resolve his financial predicament.

Whilst there Dave meets Top Cat George, who offers him something called a WIIFU and guarantees that this will solve his predicament and save the day.

On the journey back Dave begins to realise that he has been sucked and is now getting dragged even deeper into unfamiliar territory.

Once home he tries to relax but on launching his email, the subject header on the top one is going to end up adding to his woes. It read:

AN URGENT COMMUNICATION FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.

“Yeah – of course it is,” he said out loud, laughed and with two clicks of the mouse he consigned it to spam.

Moving further down the list a message from eBay also caught his eye. On opening it he read: Important message from eBay seller central.

 Reference item: 0001357328641159931 / FREE MONEY

The above item was posted with a buy it now price of 59 cents.

This item has violated US federal law and the FBI have issued instruction that all such listings be removed by eBay.

We have therefore supplied The FBI’s internet fraud unit with your details, and in certain circumstances they may email you.

Should they do so, we must advise of the upmost importance to fully comply with any requests for information or documentation. Please ensure you respond within the specified timescales, as failure to do so could escalate the matter into becoming a more serious offence.

You must cease and desist from further listing this type of product on eBay otherwise your account may be suspended or permanently closed. The eBay team – seller central.

In shocked disbelief Dave stood up and, without removing his gaze from the screen, began twiddling his forelock with his fingers.

His initial concern was how the hell his item had ended up on the USA site when he felt sure that he’d only posted it as a UK listing.

As all trace had now been removed by eBay there was absolutely no way of finding the answer.

Placing the palms of both hands onto the desktop he tapped his thumbs and gently swayed back and forth, as he stared quizzically at the screen.

After a moment, he smacked his forehead with the palm of one hand, accompanied with the vocal realisation that he’d binned the poxy forms.

How the hell was he going to contact the effing FBI? He hastily typed FBI into the search engine and the official site link appeared. Clicking on the relevant heading took him straight into the homepage of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Dave quickly peered along the top headings and was bemused to see one called ‘fun and games’! Really, he thought.

After locating the contact button, he found that it accessed several points of contact, either to a field office, an overseas office, or the head office – bloody hell, this was getting scary.

No idea, I guess – start at the top, the head office.

He composed his email explaining the situation and asked if the forms could be resent.

Ping and it had gone. Jesus, I hope that’s not an extradition offense, he thought.

An automated reply bounced back.

Thank you for contacting the Federal Bureau of Investigation, an operative will review your enquiry and respond presently.

His nightmare had just got worse, and to be honest you would have thought that tangling with the FBI should have been the worst scenario! However, Dave was yet to discover the perils involved with taking on Georges WIIFU!

Author Bio –

Patrick Haylock is a globally unrecognised writer who if you discount a school sweet pea growing competition, has won no awards whatsoever!

He was born in Enfield at a very dark time in the world. It was 1:45 am, to be precise, and it wasn’t too long before it dawned on him.

To make something of himself he was going to need two things the ability to tell the difference between a green onion and a scallion, and a good education.

Wormley Primary and Baas Hill Comprehensive schools did their best to fulfil both requirements, and after giving them 12 years of his life, they gave him seven printed sheets of paper, and the knowledge that there was no difference between a green onion and a scallion.

He also learned that the difference between onions and bagpipes was that no one ever
cries when you chop up bagpipes.

The certificated wisdom secured a national newspaper messenger’s job, which led to an editorial trainee position, followed by a production editor’s post, and progression
into freelance journalism.

‘Knowing his onions’ helped him to successfully establish his own publishing company, design studio, online retro webstore and high street art gallery.

Patrick lives with his wife in a converted Old Essex Brewery, where he claims the 6% ABV air quality inspires him to craft his nutty tales.

Although a ‘new voice’, in the literary world, those ‘in the know’ will willingly testify that his gift for imaginative storytelling is engaging, and, amusingly unique!

Social Media Links –

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20871319.Patrick_Haylock

Follow Patrick’s alter ego on https://twitter.com/Patthequipper

PatrickHaylock.co.uk

 

Pluto's in Uranus - Kushti Bok Big Giveaway. Win a cluster of star prizes.(Open Internationally)

Prize includes: A kushti Bok Mug, A signed copy of Pluto's in Uranus, A pack of 50 Lord Elpus Melon's wealth creation cards, A black cat bookmarker, An engraved pen, and a lucky silver Manx cat coin.

*Terms and Conditions –Worldwide entries welcome.  Please enter using the Rafflecopter box below.  The winner will be selected at random via Rafflecopter from all valid entries and will be notified by Twitter and/or email. If no response is received within 7 days then Rachel’s Random Resources reserves the right to select an alternative winner. Open to all entrants aged 18 or over.  Any personal data given as part of the competition entry is used for this purpose only and will not be shared with third parties, with the exception of the winners’ information. This will passed to the giveaway organiser and used only for fulfilment of the prize, after which time Rachel’s Random Resources will delete the data.  I am not responsible for despatch or delivery of the prize.

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